I am still waking up. The coffee is hot. I can hear the birds. The breeze from the open door is chilly. I scan my work email and feel anxious, vulnerable. My back hurts from the tension. My heart rate feels fast. I need to calm down and be present. This is anxiety. I feel anxious. It feels good to name it. I can’t predict or control anything. I have good people around me, supporting me, supporting this work, but I feel like I’m trying to do so much.  Where is my humanity?

Everyone gets nervous, especially after an emotional rollercoaster. We become reactive.

I see myself caught in crisis management of one fire after another. I don’t want to live this way. No one likes to feel out of control.  I am closer to the truth when I see everyone as human. And humans need kindness.

How can I give myself permission to feel nervous and love myself in the midst of it all?  How do I practice being gentle with my own dear heart? I’m out of practice but I am going to practice. 

Breathe, kind one, hold your own good heart. Put your hand over your heart and take a deep breath and another one.  Listen to yourself say out loud that you are loved and are not alone. You are a worthy, valuable leader who is being present for others and yourself. You are showing up with love and you can show up with love for yourself too. This is a practice not a marathon. You will learn by this practice and that is okay. You’re not psychic and no one wants you to be. 

Gentle, love, breathe yourself into this space. Your senses are your tools for this moment, this resilience.  Center into this moment. Claim its joy. Find some lavender to smell. Get some breakfast. Listen to the birds again and make a happy song with this day.